one liter of vodka, not bad

Not a bad weekend for me. I picked up my weekly liter of vodka on Thursday, and have about 1.25 oz left for a small good night shot tonight (I wish it was 2 oz).  As usual I spread it out over the 4 days and never had more than a little buzz.

I am a little disappointed in that I drank more on Saturday than planned. And, as usual the reason is that I started too early. My wife took off around 2:30 with my daughter and was not due back until 5:30.  Well, if I am left alone with vodka I am usually going to drink it and I had my first shot around 2:45. By the time I had my last shot around 9:00pm, I figure I had drank around 15 oz.  At less than 2 drinks an hour, I can say I ever got drunk. As I said in a recent post, I wish I had a breathalyzer to see what my alcohol level was a few minutes after my last shot. I really don’t even have a good guess what it would be.  However, I can assure you I was not driving.

I was disappointed for 2 reasons, one is that I am trying to not drink that much in any given day, and second, I have virtually nothing left for the rest of the week.  I have gone many weeks over the last few months drinking my liter in 3 days and going sober 4 days.  I have decided that I like my evening shot during the week, even if it is one small one just to take the edge off.

Sunday went better. I had around 8 oz left and knew that if I started too early, I would want more. So, I waited until 5pm for my first shot. That was not easy. The vodka was close by all day and I started staring at the clock around 3:30, but I held off.   I drank about 7 oz between 5pm and 8:00pm, and it was the perfect amount for a Sunday. I was content and somehow saved a little for tonight.

I am going to take another risk this week and pick up my vodka on Wednesday. The reason is that I will be 30 minutes away from home on business in an area that I can easily go to a liquor store without fear of anyone seeing me. As I have mentioned before, picking up liquor even 2 towns over from me is stressful.   That will leave the challenge of drinking it slowly. I know I have will have a shot on Wednesday and pace myself through Sunday from there.

I don’t know how others might feel about this, but I am content with how much I drink.  I almost never get drunk and I am drinking far less than I was a couple of years ago.  What is frustrating is how much I have to work to keep my consumption to current levels.

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11 Responses to “one liter of vodka, not bad”

  1. InTheSameBoat Says:

    “I am content with how much I drink. I almost never get drunk and I am drinking far less than I was a couple of years ago. What is frustrating is how much I have to work to keep my consumption to current levels.”

    That’s where the cost-benefit analysis would be helpful. It could very well be that the enjoyment you get from drinking is not worth the effort. Or more likely, there is an activity that would fill your time that is less enjoyable than drinking but is also less stressful, resulting in a greater “bang for the buck.”

    I just realized that in the last 7 years, I’ve had at most 90 sober days. So the past 30 days of not drinking has been like a vacation; I can’t relate to your attempts to moderate anymore.

  2. bats0711 Says:

    30 Days!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations.
    I just realized when I looked at the calendar that I have 6 months sober once again. :)
    I think my only question as I read the quote above is, do you think or believe you are an alcoholic? What does alcoholic mean to you? Questions are directed towards the blog owner but anyone can answer really.
    Do I believe I’m an alcoholic? YES!
    What does that term mean to me? That I drink when I want to, how I want to, and don’t care what others think about it or the consequences that go with it. I’m not able to stop once I start. The alcohol runs and ruins my life. My TRUE rock bottom would be death. I have a life threatening problem, alcohol.
    I’m just kind of curious what others think of the defination in their lives.

    • alcoholicstruggle Says:

      Good question, Bats. Yes, I believe I am an alcoholic. For me that means that I have to spend too much time controlling my drinking. Those that have read my posts for a while know that I spend a considerable amount of time planning my drinking: when to pick up, how much, how much to drink, when, how to hide it, etc. Non-alcoholics do not have to think about it this much.
      To build upon what Bats said: I do care about the consequences and that is why I think so much about controlling it. I have a wife and daughter to support; I have a business, family that cares about me, I plan to not drink and drive, etc. These things are important to me.
      I am able to stop once I start although I will admit there are times when I drink more than I planned, but rarely enough to impact my responsibilities for the next day. Rock bottom for me would be losing my family or failing at my business which my wife and I have invested heavily in.

      • bats0711 Says:

        I would HATE to see you hit that rock bottom.
        I will say that one reason your blog fascinates me so much is how you put your alcoholism in such mathmatical terms. I wonder if your mathmatical terms are kind of like my hiding the bottles, cans or whatever. I HAD to do that even though everyone knew I was drunk, drinking, reeked of alcohol; it was no secret I was a drunk but still it was my obsession, my way of dealing with all the thoughts and emotional turmoil that my drinking caused me. I wonder what would happen if you didn’t count or pay attention to the mathmatics your drinking involves you in????

      • alcoholicstruggle Says:

        I feel that counting is the best way to control for me. At the very least, I have to count and control how much I buy. If I just picked up any time I felt like it, I would be in trouble. It seems the times that I get in trouble (almost always weekends), I lose track of how much I am drinking. I might have 4 different water bottles with vodka in different places and be drinking from all during the day. Then it is tough to keep track. And, that is when I wake up the next morning and realize I drank 20 0z of Vodka in a day, which would be way more than I planned. Thank you for your comments !!!

      • InTheSameBoat Says:

        Yes, he is a quantitative drinker. I often find myself having to use a calculator to read his posts, converting between ounces, shots (1.5 oz), and liters. I wish he would use his mathematical abilities to “remove alcohol from the equation,” as described in Sum Zero’s post.

        http://sum-zero.blogspot.com/2009/10/chardonnays-equation.html

        Those 5 words: “remove alcohol from the equation” were what inspired me to attend a SMART meeting and ultimately lead me to my 31 days of sobriety. Everyday I ask myself how I can balance my equation so alcohol has a coefficient of 0. What a lovely way of thinking about it!

        Is there some myth that addicts have to hit rock bottom to quit? I think that’s crazy. Some do obviously. But it’s not necessary…..

  3. InTheSameBoat Says:

    Congratulations Bats! 6 months! That’s fantastic! Keep up the nice work! That’s so encouraging!

  4. bats0711 Says:

    ITSB said:Is there some myth that addicts have to hit rock bottom to quit? I think that’s crazy. Some do obviously. But it’s not necessary…..

    Unfortunately the majority of alcoholics have to either hit that rock bottom on their own or have it created for them before they even consider getting rid of alcohol out of their lives and that’s just considering it.
    No it’s not necessary or it shouldn’t be but well alcoholism is a deathly illness, it doesn’t give a crap about what I think, all it cares about is whether or not I give in to it or not.

  5. Al K Hall Says:

    As another person who tries to ‘maintain’ and nearly always fails unless i stop drinking completely (i mentioned in another comment that i’m trying to make it past Christmas, which means i’ll have my next drink on the 26th) i’m curious about a couple things.

    i’m divorced and my ex wife told my current live-in girlfriend (18 months) that 75% of the reason she left me was because of alcohol. Personally, i believe that the reason was more linked to the root causes of which my alcoholism is a symptom, FWIW. i’m a binge drinker, not a regular drinker, and my girlfriend is aware of the problem, accepts it and deals with it as best she can. i’ve held the same job for 18 years (teacher for adults).

    My question is this: how do your wife and children deal with / feel about your drinking? Are they aware of when and how much you drink or do you hide it from them? Sorry, if this is too personal, please don’t feel obligated to answer.

    Hang in there, Brother!

    • alcoholicstruggle Says:

      Hello Mr. Hall, My wife does not know that I am drinking. Many who read this blog would same I am naive, but I am sure she doesn’t know. I hide it well. I lost control a few years ago and went for help, 5 days detox, since then I have had 3 months and 7 1/2 months sobriety at different times mainly using AA. I started drinking again about exactly a year ago. Good luck making it to 12/26

      • Al K Hall Says:

        Here’s to hoping you can continue maintaining. In one sense you’re lucky, but in another i’m kind of relieved that my binges are impossible to hide. It forces the problem out into the open and puts the onus on me to be more responsible.

        10 days sober! Twelve more to go!

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