On Sunday I was thinking to myself that staying dry had been much easier this past week.  Not that the first 2 weeks were very difficult, but I did have some strong cravings at different points during the first 2 weeks.  The third week was much easier.

Then, one of my triggers hit yesterday (Mon).   That is being sick. Yes, I know this makes no sense at all.  If there was ever a time to not drink, it is when one is sick.  Alcohol weakens the immune system making recovery take longer.

Specifically, I have bronchitis which I seem to get just about every year.  I am on antibiotics, heavy prednisone and albuterol.  There are 2 specific things that make me want to drink.  The first is that the prednisone and albuterol make me edgy and irritable.  The second is that I can’t seem to stop coughing.  So, what usually helps to calm me down and help me sleep is a strong shot of whiskey mixed with some cold medicine like night time Nyquil.  It calms me down and suppresses my cough allowing me to get some sleep.

Anyway, I was really craving a drink after work yesterday, but I am committed to making it for a full 28 days, so I held off.   I used my usual alcohol craving blocker.  I stuffed myself over dinner and the cravings went away.

6 more days to go.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, my first week back is going to be a challenge as I have a lot going on that revolves around drinking.  So, how I am thinking of dealing with it is to not buy any vodka.  I will try and use my 15 drinks just on beer and wine with no hiding.  Now, there is a novel concept.  I know this is how I should be drinking anyway.

 Have I had cravings the last 14 days?  Yes.  Have I come close to close to giving in? No.  Overall, it has been relatively easy.  I think part of it is because I am more cognizant today of my triggers and how to get passed cravings.   I am also very competitve and to give in would mean I would have to admit failure.

 Cravings sometimes come at times when I would expect them to, and other times out of the blue.  On Friday nights triggers are expected.  Friday nights at dinner time is when I would normally have my first drink of the week.  So, to have my wife and one or two  others, as we often seem to have visitors on Friday eve, open a bottle of wine in front of me, I often have craving.  But, I also had one while reading an article about how Miller Lite had taken over Budweiser as the #2 beer in the country.  Just reading the article made me crave an ice cold Bud. Or, maybe I wanted to help them regain the lead.

 In any event, getting over the cravings is much easier today.  When something silly happens like getting a craving while reading an article, I simply change my thought to something else.  When I have a craving on Friday eve, I can simply walk to another room for a few minutes.  I have mentioned this many times before, but I can also eat to squash a craving.   The more the better.  I rarely crave booze when I have a full stomach.

I noticed again this year that my wife has not seemed to notice that I am not drinking.  Either she notices more than she lets on and chooses not to say anything or she simply doesn’t pay as much attention to it as she once did. I always join her in a beer or a glass of wine on Fri and Sat night dinner.   But, 2 weeks in a row I passed and she said nothing. 

 I was reading a few of my blog posts from one year ago.  The first post after my dry January period stated that I went 2 drinks over the first week of resumed drinking.  I already know that my first week back is going to be a challenge.  I am sure I will have a couple of drinks the first night as I will be in Chicago for some training and I will be with a bunch of peers.  Then, on the way home the next day, I plan to have a beer before hopping on the plane. The next night is the last night of our basketball season and we will be going out for drinks after the game.   Finally, on Sunday is the Super Bowl.   There’s a lot of triggers that week. I will have to give it some more thought and come up with a plan.

First of all, my plan was to not drink on Mon, 1/2 up until Mon, 1/30.  However, I had 2 drinks on Mon, 1/2.  Why?  I must admit that after the extra holiday drinking I did capping off with 14 on 1/1, I felt a little jittery on Mon.  Also, while I had planned to exhaust all vodka in the house prior to the 4 week dry period, I had 2 shots left.  So, I drank them on Mon night and it did make me feel better.

However, I still get my 4 weeks in.  I had my last drink at 7pm on Mon, 1/2.  My training in Chicago on 1/30 does not end until 7pm.  So, if I have a drink right after training, I will still have completed 4 full weeks. And, since Chicago is an hour behind NY, I have an hour cushion.

I almost blew it out of the gate.   A couple who is very good friends with my wife and I and whose 3 year old we take care of, were coming over for dinner.  A year and a half ago for my birthday they gave me a nice bottle of cabernet, not off the charts expensive, but around 50 bucks, far more than the 8-12 my wife and I usually spend on bottles of wine.  I had planned on sharing it with the other couple the next time we a were all together and the timing was appropriate.  I figured this would be a good time, and even though I had committed to 4 weeks dry, I told myself it was ok to have this one glass of celebratory wine.

However, it never happened.  They showed up late.  In the meantime, I had dinner and an O’Douls. By the time they got here, I had no desire for the wine.

The reason I find this significant was that turning the switch to “off” when it didn’t work out was so easy.  It didn’t always used to be this way.  I like to compare alcohol cravings to cocaine.  Back in the days when I used to snort coke, just the thought of it would raise my blood pressure and get me all crazy.   These feelings would intensify as the first snort got closer.  While the feelings with alcohol were never as strong, they were similar.  The anticipation of that first drink would really increase my cravings such that once is started it was tough to turn off.   This is one of the reasons you get phone #’s in AA.  When you feel like a drink, you pick up the phone first and hopefully someone can talk you through it.  For me it was no problem this time, by the time dinner was over, I didn’t even want the drink.

This is day 7 of 28.  I don’t think I will have any problems getting through it. Unless, of course, the same couple comes over and I have a glass of wine.

 The one thing that kept me in check was I had to drive a lot, not far, but a lot.  And, since drinking and driving don’t mix, I ended up waiting to late in the day when I was home to get buzzed. 

 I did learn a nice trick. Actually, it is not new, but I made good use of it this holiday season.  I have lots of relatives within a mile. When visiting one of them, I will hold off drinking for a while, then tell my wife I am going home to get our dog.  While home, I take a hefty shot of vodka and bring some more with me.  I then tell my wife who is not much of a drinker, that she needs to drive home while I walk home with the dog.  This allows me to get a nice buzz and enjoy the party without the risk of drinking and driving.

 To many people, the thought that someone would plan like this is disturbing.  Only an alcoholic or at least someone with a drinking problem would think like that.  But, is it really crazy?  I am ashamed to admit it, but among my family and circle of friends, most simply drank to excess and drove home anyway, often with kids.   I think their thinking was that because it was just a short distance, it really was ok to drink and drive. 

 So, I ask which way of thinking is more troubling?  The guy who hides shots of vodka and plans how he doesn’t have to drive, or the one that drives drunk.  Of course you will say both.  Unfortunately, that is not the world I live, nor do most of you I suspect.

 I can also admit that I don’t drink and drive mainly because I don’t want to get caught.  I am cocky enough to believe that even with a BAC of .15 I drive better than the majority of the people on the road.   I often walk my dog through our commercial district in town and it seems like every person I see is talking on a cell phone or texting while driving.  I even see parents doing it with their teenage children sitting next to them.  Nice example.

 So as not to contradict anything I said in a prior blog post, I also have engrained in my memory the thought of the mom holding her 6 year old daughter’s decapitated head in the back of a limo after it was severed in a crash with a drunk driver a few years back.  That certainly deters me as well; however, fear of getting a DUI is the main reason I don’t drive.  At least I don’t do it.

 The one day that I know I went overboard over the holidays was yesterday.  I had 14 drinks.  It was spread out over 10 hours, but still a lot for one day.  I think the reason I did it was because I knew it was my last day drinking for 4 weeks.  Today, I start my annual dry January, well at least 4 weeks.  I will not drink from Mon 1/2 until Mon 1/30.  It seems like it would make sense to just finish the month out, but I am traveling to Chicago on business on 1/30.  I know that when I am done,  will have a drink or 2 with some of my work peers. 

I have actually been looking forward to a dry 4 weeks.  I know that is easy to say tonight as I am usually dry Mon-Thurs anyway.  I might change that thought come the weekend, but I don’t think so.

 Happy New Year …..

The week before last I finished at 15.  I did it a little differently in that I drank a couple of nights during the week.  This was not a slip.  Anyone reading the blog in the past would know that I actually had been planning on experimenting with a few weeks of less drinks on more nights.  So, I drank one drink on Monday and another on Thursday which I rarely do.

On Friday, I had to take my daughter to a function at the YMCA.  This was clearly not a drinking environment and I did not drink until getting home around 8:30.  The good news was that delaying my first drink until 8:30 allowed me to easily have only 2 for the day.  

The good news on this night was that I had no desire to drink before or during the YMCA event.  Many would think that is normal and it should be.  However, I can think back to the same event a few years ago when I had a couple of shots of vodka before going and even brought some with me in a water bottle. I can’t believe I did that.  I had much more fun sober.

I finished the week with 6 on Sat and 5 on Sunday to give me 15 for the week.

Last week I again had 2 drinks during the week, then 5 on Friday, 2 on Sat and 6 on Sunday for a total of 15.  On Saturday, I had to attend a function at my daughter’s ballet school.  I was handed a glass of champagne upon entering which I drank. When it was done, I went back for a second, but it was all gone.  I was glad.  I really didn’t even want it an sure didn’t need it.

In the past I would have either had vodka in the car or went in search of some elsewhere.  I thought about bringing some in the car, but decided against it. And, I also know that there is a liquor store 2 doors down from the school.  I can recall some similar occasions where I actually snuck away, ran down the street and bought a small bottle of vodka or chugged a 16 or 20oz can of beer.  I am sure glad those days are gone.

Holidays are coming up.   I will not count.  I will also not go crazy.  I am actually looking forward to being dry from Monday, Jan 2^nd until Monday Jan 30^th, 4 full weeks.

What happened?  I had my first drink too early.  My family and a couple of others were walking from my house to town where there was an outside holiday event going on.  For some stupid reason, I decided to have a drink before leaving around noon.  I almost never drink that early and it was a stupid thing to do.  I had another one with a buddy when we got home around 2pm.  Then, I had another 3 spread out over the rest of the day.  5 drinks over 8 hours by itself is no big deal, but I did go over my limit.

I am a little worried about the holidays coming up as I have been slipping as of late.  Looking forward to that 30 days dry in January.

So, I had a few, I think 3 on Wed eve.  I probably had 8 on Thanksgiving, but that was spread over the whole day.  I played basketball at 8am on Friday and worked a half day, so I don’t feel guilty about it.  Then I had around 5 on Fri & Sat and 4 on Sun.   Although I wasn’t counting, that comes out to about 25 drinks for the week, 10 over my limit.

I realize that is not a healthy amount and I need to be careful not to slip back into my old ways.  But (here is my rationalization), many, if not most of the people around me had more drinks than usual during the long Thanksgiving weekend.  If it were not for the long weekend, I would not have drank on Wed or Thur.

Anyway, I am back on track having stayed dry Mon, Tues, Wed & Thurs.  And, I must admit, I do feel better today than on any of the days I was drinking.  I took Monday off from exercise but worked out hard each day from Tues through this morning.  The combination of exercise and no alcohol really is a good feeling.

I plan to stay dry the whole month of January (actually Jan 1 to Jan 30) for the 3^rd year in a row.  I am actually looking forward to it.  I know I have gone over my limits too much in the last couple of months and it will be good for me to reset.  Funny, the first time I went through a 30 day dry period, I was somewhat frightened.  Now, I am looking forward to it.

I had 6 already going into Saturday, 5 Friday and one with the guys after basketball on Wed eve.  But, I ended up having 4 drinks between 10pm and midnight on Saturday.  I was tired after a long day, but still needed to unwind before going to bed.  So, I had a double shot of vodka and then 2 glasses of wine.

Still no big deal, but then I needed to only have a couple on Sunday to execute my plan.   But, as always Sundays are problem days for me.  I ended up having what is turning out to be my usual 5.  Not all at once, not enough for a big buzz, but enough for a relaxing buzz.

So, I hit my goals for the week, but now am facing a long holiday weekend.  To be honest, I am not even going to try to stay at 15.  I probably should, but I won’t.   I have a basketball game on Wednesday night.  I will go out with the guys after.  Last week and on usual work nights, I will limit myself to one, this week I will probably have a couple.  I am not working on Thanksgiving day and probably will only work a few hours on Friday.  So, I expect I will drink Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sat.  I will consider the weekend a success if I stay dry on Sunday.   I will need it to complete my 3 dry days.   And, if I can stay dry on Sunday, I will be fine at work on Monday morning.

Some might see my relaxing my rules as a bad sign, but I am not too worried about it.  I will still probably drink far less than others I am with over the holiday weekend.  And, certainly a lot less than I would have been drinking a few years ago.

Honestly, I would have had 5 on Sunday, but I got an e-mail late in the afternoon regarding playing basketball at 5:30am on Monday.  Normally, I don’t drink the night before playing basketball; however, with 5 left on my 15 limit, and it being a weekend, I felt like having a few, but 4 seemed enough.   But, I was so sore from working out so hard the last several days in a row, that I had my last one last night (Monday).   I am cheating and countin

I have said recently that I normally have no desire to drink during the week.  However, last night, I had one shot after putting my daughter to bed, and then hopped in bed myself to watch House.  It was relaxing.  It felt good.

I am not sure what I am going to do this week.  I may have a few during the week instead of doing the usual 4 days dry. Why, first of all because I want to see how it feels, both during and after.  Specifically, I would like to see how I feel on Monday morning after not having 15 drinks over the last 3 days, but the same amount spread out over more days.

Also, I have a business conference to attend all day Saturday.  All day in this case means 8am to 9:30pm.  I doubt very much I will have 5 drinks after 9:30pm when I usually am in bed by then.  Yes, even on the weekends.

Finally, we have a basketball game Wednesday night and there seems to be a tradition (that I have yet to take part in) of going out  for a couple of beers after the game.

So, if there was ever a week to try out spreading my 15 drinks out over more than 3 days, this would be it.

 What I am finding is that 4 days dry is easy (more on that later); however, when I get to Friday, I have very a strong urge to drink.  Not just to drink, but to get a buzz.  So, when I have that first drink around 6pm on Friday evening, it is usually a double shot of vodka. Then, I sit down to dinner a little while later and have a glass of wine with the wife.  I nurse the wine, usually only one.   By 7pm, I have had 3 drinks in an hour, just enough for a buzz. I will typically have 2 or 3 more through the night.

 I thought this week, it would be easier to count and control the amount of drinks in any one evening if I drank 2 drinks ever day, maybe have one extra on Friday to add up to my limit of 15.  This would not be a long term strategy, just kind of a test.  I do believe the sober days are important to moderation.  However, I really did not feel like drinking during the week.  I thought I might have 2 on Monday.  When work was over and dinner time came, I had absolutely no desire for a drink.  The same happened on Tues.  Then Wed and Thurs come along and I don’t like to drink before getting  up to play basketball at 5:30am on Thurs and Fri. 

 So, here I sit on Thurs afternoon, I have not had a drink this week since Sunday and I am sure I will not have any tonight either.  That certainly is progress for me.  I planned to drink earlier in the week, I have plenty of beer, wine and vodka in the house, yet I didn’t feel like drinking.  26 hours from now will be completely different.

 On another note, I know it is still the vodka that causes me to drink more than I should.  I could not imagine drinking more than 5 beers in one night, and to a lesser extent, 5 glasses of wine either.  However, 5 little, tiny measuring cups of 1.5 oz seems like absolutely nothing.   One shot of vodka should give me the same buzz as one beer or glass of wine, but it never seems to.  For t hose of you reading this that don’t know, I can’t drink a handful of beers or glasses of wine in a night as it would be too difficult to hide from my wife. She knows I drink, but thinks it is limited to 1 or 2 each day on the weekends. So, I sneak the rest through shots of vodka in my home office or basement.