At the end of today, I will have competed 3 days sober. After the last week I needed it. As I get older or deeper into alcoholism (maybe a combo) the toll on my body and mind is more evident. It took me 3 days to recover from my last binge. It could have been a form of detox I was going through but it was not the same as when I detoxed in the hospital 2 ½ years ago. Then, I had been drinking every day for a very long time. Now, I usually drink for 3 days and take 4 off.
I have been very tired and had a hard time getting going each day. I have not worked out for 10 days now. I have not done that in years. I don’t feel guilty about that though, I have been working out 6 days a week for a very long time and I think my body needed a break anyway. I think many of us alcoholics have a hard time doing many things in moderation. For me exercise is another thing I tend to overdo. My wife says I am obsessed with it. However, it makes me feel good, and if you are going to be addicted to anything, it might as well be exercise.
Anyway, the first 3 days of the week were tough for work. I did work every day, but did not get as much accomplished as I could have. I can really see the difference when I am free of alcohol. I only had a little Monday and nothing on Tue and Wed and I feel a lot better today, I am more focused and work and ideas are swirling around my head, big difference from last Monday.
I plan to stick to my liter of vodka a week. That means I will most likely pick up a liter tomorrow and spread it out over the weekend. If I can keep it to a liter and leave one shot for Monday, that will be a success. Even if I don’t leave the Monday shot, as long as I don’t pick up anymore before the following Friday, I will be good.
When I tell myself I am not going to drink and when I don’t have any alcohol in the house, I don’t obsess over it all that much. I can’t say I don’t think about it because I do; however, I don’t obsess. When I am getting closer to the drink or if I have it around, that is when it drives me a little crazy. Tomorrow I will be out on a business appointment. I will pick up the vodka after my meeting and be back in my home office by around 2:00pm. It is then that I obsess about it. I will be thinking about that first drink for the next 3 hours until 5:00pm. That is when I have to be careful. The cravings change me physically and mentally. At that stage only a big shot will calm me down, like at least a 3 oz, which is really 2 drinks. Sometimes I think I would be better off with just a little bit each day, but they I would never got that good buzz and I don’t have the confidence in myself to stop at that little bit.